The Loneliness of Motherhood

I knew motherhood would not be easy but I never imagined it could be so lonely. I moved to Calgary when I was 8 months pregnant with Olivia and the next month passed in a hectic blur of preparing for the impending arrival of a baby. Normally, moving to a new city means new friends from a new workplace or activities, but life was crazy and Olivia was born exactly 1 month after we moved. 

The first few months passed much like the month before her birth - quickly and filled with stress. I struggled with anxiety, sleepless nights, and nonstop breastfeeding; I was lucky if I was able to get dressed before Boneto got home from work, let alone get out of the house to meet people. I was home alone the majority of the day with someone who couldn't speak ... and I was indescribably lonely. 

I joined some mom's groups on Facebook for our city and I have enjoyed the play dates; however, there is something strange that happens when you become a mother. Suddenly. friendships are no longer formed by the things you have in common or the connection you feel but how close your children's birthdays are. I mean, I get it; we are going through similar things and our kids can play together but... I am so caught up in being a mother in my day-to-day life that sometimes I feel like I am seeking friendship as an escape, a chance to be me outside of the mom title.

The other dilemma of friendships (or lack thereof) within motherhood is, of course, time. I struggle constantly with finding balance in my life between being a good wife and a good mother and a good friend, while building a business and taking care of myself. I have not found the answer and usually the search for friends falls to the bottom of my list. 

I love my daughter and I love my life, even when this loneliness creeps in. I do not have the solution but I also know I'm not alone in these struggles. I hope you know you're not alone, either. 

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